So, in my social group/constellation/whatever, we’re all really close. All my close friends have keys to my house, so they can come by whenever they want. This makes it easy when someone goes away, we can all feed each other’s pets! Plus, those of us who have laundry machines let those who don’t use ours, as its much nicer to do laundry and hang out with good people, or at least be able to sit inside and use the computer, than go to the laundrette!
So my friend Je, she comes by quite a bit, and she has a toothbrush here, along with me and my husband. Now, I have a boyfriend who spends the night quite a bit, and has started leaving things here - including a toothbrush. So we were getting the start of a jumble of toothbrushes in our little toothbrush holder, and many of them looked a like. In the short term, I put super hero stickers on the handles, but then I found these cute toothbrush holders for kids on amazon! There is one for each person who has a toothbrush in my home, and the animal is significant to them.
In order, the tiger is my husband (He was born in the year of the Tiger, and he’s a Leo) the cat is me (I’m a cat mom, and my boyfriend calls me kitten. Plus, there was no rat!) the dog is my boyfriend (he’s very wolf like, but again, no wolves, only dogs) and the panda is Je, who loves pandas!
This way, we can all find our toothbrushes, they are all cleaner than if they were in the cup, and its a cute way to personalize our bathroom! Its these fun little poly situations I really enjoy - we all talk about time organization and google calendars and primaries, but none of the logical stuff, like, what do I do with all these damn toothbrushes?
For the next month or so, my thesis proposal is going to keep me away from paying too much attention to FuckYeahPolyamory.
Because of this, I would like to invite people to submit true polyamorous stories.
These stories can be anything as long as they follow these rules:
- must be respectful of everyone. No shaming. No bashing monogamy. It is perfectly reasonable to tell stories of when you have been shamed or mistreated.
- must maintain a safe level of anonymity for the people involved. Please provide a disclaimer to prevent confusion. Ways to preserve the safety of the people involved include changing the names or dates of places, events, and people, submitting anonymously, and using first letters of names instead of full names. You also may contact me for my private e-mail address and you can instead e-mail the story to me directly for it to be posted with some editing (with your permission).
- must be shared with the understanding that people may share this story.
- These stories can include cute little events, how you met a lover, rejection, break ups, responses to other people, etc. Really - have a field day with this. You guys are all individuals with unique and individual stories to share.
I look forward to reading/posting your stories! I will be checking at least once a week as to keep up with Fuck Yeah Polyamory.
Love Infinite,
L
This is an article I wrote for my personal blog. I pick a topic every week (usually entertainment) and do a list article in an ongoing column I call “The P List.” This week I wanted to tackle the topic of being poly and dispel some myths. I thought others here might benefit from reading it, or having the link to throw at people who criticize their (our) lifestyles.
I don’t claim to be an expert in polyamory or in relationships in general, and I don’t claim to speak for everyone who identifies as poly. All I wanted to do is provide some information and personal experiences in the hope that outsiders will be less judgmental of the way I live and the way I love. I hope others find it helpful as well.
Hello again! Many apologies for the delay, so we will be posting 2 questions at the same time. We love the responses we received for the last one, and hope everyone enjoyed reading them as well :)
Question #2
When you imagine your ideal, “happily ever after” life, in the simplest terms, how does your views on relationships play a role? Do you account for having multiple partners?
Question #3
Where do you draw the line between a partner and “just a friend”? Is this a clear line, or is it a grey spectrum? Do you make a distinction between friendship and romance?
Imagine the web of people you have vicariously slept with through your other partners.
Imagine how it keeps extending, becoming more complicated and convoluted.
Imagine the moments when any of these lovers, out of passion, forgot protection.
Imagine the moments when they had their hearts broken by a partner that lied to them, or denied information, about sexual involvement with another person.
Imagine how long it would take for news of an STD somewhere in that web to reach you.
It take 5 minutes to get tested for HIV. 20 minutes to have a broad spectrum STD test. The majority of that time is spent waiting, filling out consent forms, or listening to the basic “we have to tell everyone this” stuff about test results and counseling. You wait 1-2 weeks for your results. You inform your partners. You get treated for anything you have (if anything).
STD testing is important for everyone regardless of race, gender identity, or sexual orientation. All forms of sexual contact can spread STDs. People involved with multiple partners increase their risk due to the development of this web of vicarious lovers. Especially in circumstances of non-penetrative sex contact where people normally don’t even think about protection.
If you don’t want to get testing done at the doctor’s office because you’re afraid of being judged/shamed, results being reported to insurance, or another personal reason, look into community testing resources in your area. Almost all are free, many provide the medications for treatment free or at a discounted cost, and you will not be judged. Almost all community testing resources are 100% confidential, except having to report numbers to Health Departments, and in some circumstance of particular STDs, report to your previous partners that they were exposed to someone with that STD. The reporting to previous partners often involves a phone call requesting they get themselves tested, and no name disclosure.
As a rule of thumb: Get tested prior to engaging in sexual activity with any new partner, and at minimum get tested once a year as part of a yearly health exam. Know what the warning signs of STDs look like. Know what they look like if your partners are affected.
Afraid of needles? The majority of STD tests are 98% accurate when non-needle, blood free, minimally invasive methods are used (urine sample, cervical swab, vaginal swab, cheek swab).
In order to prevent STDs, always use protection. If you think you’re going to be in a circumstance where it would be inconvenient to use protection and you have a vagina or anus that’s going to be used for sex, consider an internal condom (also known as a vaginal or “female” condom). These can be placed in the body cavity and left for up to 6-8 hours prior.
There have been recent reports of STD forms of bacterial necrotizing fasciitis infections in the San Francisco area of the United States, and new reports are popping up all over the country and world in previously unaffected areas.
Show your partners, your partners’ partners, and everyone in your life that you may have sexual contact with that you care about the health of yourself and those around you. Please, take the time to get tested and protect those around us that we love.
One of the easiest ways to show people we love them is to respect our health and their own.
If you need help acquiring information on STD testing, no matter where you are, send us a message. If you have any questions about protecting yourself and your partners, please ask - L works in a health care facility and provides education and counseling on STDs as well as having a history of healthcare training. P has bachelors degree in Public Health and can provide help as well. Sadly, we cannot provide medical advice beyond very basic educational information.
Love Infinite and Best Wishes for the Health of Everyone in Our Community,
Fuck Yeah Polyamory
Alan Fiske conceived a theory of 4 main relationship types. I am only going to use 3 to illustrate this because 2 of them can be combined. 1. Dominance relationship type This could be summed up as “Don’t mess with me” and is thought to have roots in the social structure you see in modern Apes. From a human perspective it is the same model with the overarching theme of using fear to gain authority, or maintain control over others. In more complex scenarios, emotions such as shame, greed, jealously are important to motivate others. 2. Communality relationship type Can be summed up as “Share and share alike.” In this model the primary objective is to collaborate for the good of the whole. Example: if we have a school and they have a library, everyone will benefit from combining resources. 3. Resiprosity relationship type This is summed up as “You scratch my back, i’ll scratch yours. However, this differs considerably from Communality, because the intention isint to share, but gain something that someone else controls, so that you have ownership. Although this requires an agreement that may be viewed as fair. In the context of Capitalism, there may be a tendency to take advantage of someone because the outcome is usually for an individual purpose and not for the sum of the whole. They are not sharing resources, they are trading them. How these relationship types impact the concept of Poly relationships… To operate effectivly in polyamorous relationship, you have to be free of guilt, greed, selfishness, etc because those modes of thought provoke feelings that are based on dominance or self intrest, rather that sharing. It will be particularly difficult for some one who lives within the Dominance or Resiprosity mode to really believe that the other person has intentions other than dominance or self intrest. So any argument for or agianst polyamory can be understood by understanding why and where people exist in these relationship types. A sense of Communality must be present to participate.
Its about being queer and living life. A lot has to do with being poly and lives. Everyone should check it out! We’re just starting off, but there is plenty to come! :)
