FuckYeahPolyamory

I'm able to love more than one person at a time, but I can't keep relationships with more than one person. Is this polyamory?

Wed, 23 May 2012 13:35:29 -0400

When I first came to understanding polyamory and my identity within it, I recall thinking a lot about this subject. I would believe that you are polyamorous on the fact alone that you feel love for more than one person. But if you think of a good reason that it would not be wise or healthy for you to pursue multiple loves/relationships, you shouldn’t. There’s a practical difference between being of a polyamorous nature and having multiple relationships, which might keep you from doing so. It’s good to know yourself, and to know what decisions are healthy.

So, in my social group/constellation/whatever, we’re all...

Wed, 23 May 2012 13:21:32 -0400

So, in my social group/constellation/whatever, we’re all really close. All my close friends have keys to my house, so they can come by whenever they want. This makes it easy when someone goes away, we can all feed each other’s pets! Plus, those of us who have laundry machines let those who don’t use ours, as its much nicer to do laundry and hang out with good people, or at least be able to sit inside and use the computer, than go to the laundrette!

So my friend Je, she comes by quite a bit, and she has a toothbrush here, along with me and my husband. Now, I have a boyfriend who spends the night quite a bit, and has started leaving things here - including a toothbrush. So we were getting the start of a jumble of toothbrushes in our little toothbrush holder, and many of them looked a like. In the short term, I put super hero stickers on the handles, but then I found these cute toothbrush holders for kids on amazon! There is one for each person who has a toothbrush in my home, and the animal is significant to them.

In order, the tiger is my husband (He was born in the year of the Tiger, and he’s a Leo) the cat is me (I’m a cat mom, and my boyfriend calls me kitten. Plus, there was no rat!) the dog is my boyfriend (he’s very wolf like, but again, no wolves, only dogs) and the panda is Je, who loves pandas!

This way, we can all find our toothbrushes, they are all cleaner than if they were in the cup, and its a cute way to personalize our bathroom! Its these fun little poly situations I really enjoy - we all talk about time organization and google calendars and primaries, but none of the logical stuff, like, what do I do with all these damn toothbrushes?

Polycule: Polyamory is like Indie Music

Sat, 05 May 2012 12:25:36 -0400

Polycule: Polyamory is like Indie Music:

polycule:

It is, guys. Just listen to me for a second.

You know how people discover a little-known band and they’re all “I love this band they are amazing” and then they tell a few of their close friends about this band, maybe lend them a CD, take their friends to a small concert.

And then that band gets…

So, I have a kinda dumb question. If you like both boys and girls and are in a relationship with more than one person, are you labeled differently than someone who only likes boys or girls and is in more than one relationship? (ohmygod I make no sense, sorry)

Sat, 05 May 2012 11:56:00 -0400

That’s not a dumb question. As I understand it, you are asking if there are different terms for different combinations of sexuality with polyamory. To put it briefly, no. Polyamory is distinct from sexual orientation. People with any form of sexuality can all be considered polyamorous and would typically state them separately. e.g. “I’m polyamorous and X-sexual”

Polycule: Thought for the day.

Sat, 05 May 2012 11:44:08 -0400

Polycule: Thought for the day.:

polycule:

Polyamory is not about having multiple partners so that every aspect of a relationship can be satisfied by different people. If something is lacking in one relationship, finding that thing in another person will not be lasting or fulfilling.

But I think that’s how it’s been going for me lately….

FuckYeahPolyamory: I got some further responses from the person asking earlier about how...

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 16:18:27 -0400

FuckYeahPolyamory: I got some further responses from the person asking earlier about how...:

youwantwhat:

fuckyeahpolyamory:

I got some further responses from the person asking earlier about how society can accept and understand polyamory. I hope they don’t mind me posting a reply to them added all together. They are not an native-english speaker, but I think that their ideas are expressed pretty well.

Thank you for your response. You’re right, I do not really approve of polyamory, but this concept came into my life through a person I trusted a lot, and that disappointed me terribly. Even today it makes me suffer a lot, so I prefer to try to understand, to know what is, than to be alone with my opinions. I am from a country where there was no talk about polyamory, and I’m from a generation that this kind of concept is unacceptable.

But contrary to what I already said on other blogs, I do not consider myself a hypocrite, closed mind, nor stupid. I’m trying to understand, and as I am not a supporter of the cause, it is clear that my questions may seem like a provocation. But honestly this is not my intention. If you allow me, I would put here, as I see polyamory.

I can not make difference between polyamory and open relationship, something that has long been seen. However, the idea of a sexual relationship at three, four …. Promiscuity is for me … forgive me …. do not want to be offensive ….understand sexual intercourse as something intimate, a special moment to be lived with one person. I can even understand that if you have more than one relationship, but sex is for me the three swing menage …. I have no way to understand how a form of love.

I do not know how it happened that you have been hurt or betrayed by someone who was polyamorous, but I am sorry for your hurt. I know that these things can be very difficult to get past. It is important to understand that sometimes one’s actions may be unrelated to their philosophy, and also that the poor choices made by one person may not reflect others or their philosophy. For instance, monogamous people can and do hurt other people at times, but it does not necessarily mean that all monogamous people are bad, or that monogamy necessarily leads them to do bad things. Many polyamorous people believe strongly in honest communication so that people do not get hurt or feel lied to.

I do not know where you are from, but I know also what it is like to have a culture that does not widely know of polyamory or approve of it. Though perhaps in the United States and other countries it is easier and safer than in others. What I would say about that is this: throughout the history of humanity and societies, people have had a great many ideas about what is right and wrong. This has varied not only in time, but also from place to place and we can see how some ideas today conflict with each other depending on where you are. It can be difficult to understand new or different things, and to see traditions change or disappear. Each person must look inside themselves in order to decide what is best for them; sometimes they decide for traditional ideas and sometimes they do not, which leads to change. It is my belief that it is good to have a respect for the way of life each one chooses, so long as it leaves others free to choose for themselves in turn.

I would like to distinguish the difference between polyamory and open relationships. Sometimes people practice both at the same time, but not always. Open relationships often precisely mean “sexually open”, whereas polyamory often means “love open” instead. Love and sex often overlap, and many polyamorous people disagree that sex has no intimacy if you have it with more than one person. At this point, people will disagree without being able to convince each other. Ultimately, how you choose to feel about openness to other relationships and mulitple sexual partners is a personal choice and I would not try to tell you how you should behave. I would hope to receive the same respect from you and other people. You don’t have to be polyamorous (or date someone who is polyamorous) in order to respect their choices and to care for them as fellow humans.

I hope that this helps explain some of how I feel that polyamory relates to society. These ideas apply to many things in life; for many things in society, there is freedom for individuals to make choices that other individuals would not. Since it does not hurt other people, and those in polyamorous relationships agree to it, why should there not be liberty for polyamory as well?

good answer. but also: polyamory != group sex, as the questioner seems to think.

You are very correct, I hoped to clarify that as well as the fact that there are plenty of asexual people who practice polyamory. I’m afraid I did not do a good job of addressing those points.

I got some further responses from the person asking earlier about how society can accept and...

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 21:52:55 -0400

I got some further responses from the person asking earlier about how society can accept and understand polyamory. I hope they don’t mind me posting a reply to them added all together. They are not an native-english speaker, but I think that their ideas are expressed pretty well.

Thank you for your response. You’re right, I do not really approve of polyamory, but this concept came into my life through a person I trusted a lot, and that disappointed me terribly. Even today it makes me suffer a lot, so I prefer to try to understand, to know what is, than to be alone with my opinions. I am from a country where there was no talk about polyamory, and I’m from a generation that this kind of concept is unacceptable.

But contrary to what I already said on other blogs, I do not consider myself a hypocrite, closed mind, nor stupid. I’m trying to understand, and as I am not a supporter of the cause, it is clear that my questions may seem like a provocation. But honestly this is not my intention. If you allow me, I would put here, as I see polyamory.

I can not make difference between polyamory and open relationship, something that has long been seen. However, the idea of a sexual relationship at three, four …. Promiscuity is for me … forgive me …. do not want to be offensive ….understand sexual intercourse as something intimate, a special moment to be lived with one person. I can even understand that if you have more than one relationship, but sex is for me the three swing menage …. I have no way to understand how a form of love.

I do not know how it happened that you have been hurt or betrayed by someone who was polyamorous, but I am sorry for your hurt. I know that these things can be very difficult to get past. It is important to understand that sometimes one’s actions may be unrelated to their philosophy, and also that the poor choices made by one person may not reflect others or their philosophy. For instance, monogamous people can and do hurt other people at times, but it does not necessarily mean that all monogamous people are bad, or that monogamy necessarily leads them to do bad things. Many polyamorous people believe strongly in honest communication so that people do not get hurt or feel lied to.

I do not know where you are from, but I know also what it is like to have a culture that does not widely know of polyamory or approve of it. Though perhaps in the United States and other countries it is easier and safer than in others. What I would say about that is this: throughout the history of humanity and societies, people have had a great many ideas about what is right and wrong. This has varied not only in time, but also from place to place and we can see how some ideas today conflict with each other depending on where you are. It can be difficult to understand new or different things, and to see traditions change or disappear. Each person must look inside themselves in order to decide what is best for them; sometimes they decide for traditional ideas and sometimes they do not, which leads to change. It is my belief that it is good to have a respect for the way of life each one chooses, so long as it leaves others free to choose for themselves in turn.

I would like to distinguish the difference between polyamory and open relationships. Sometimes people practice both at the same time, but not always. Open relationships often precisely mean “sexually open”, whereas polyamory often means “love open” instead. Love and sex often overlap, and many polyamorous people disagree that sex has no intimacy if you have it with more than one person. At this point, people will disagree without being able to convince each other. Ultimately, how you choose to feel about openness to other relationships and mulitple sexual partners is a personal choice and I would not try to tell you how you should behave. I would hope to receive the same respect from you and other people. You don’t have to be polyamorous (or date someone who is polyamorous) in order to respect their choices and to care for them as fellow humans.

I hope that this helps explain some of how I feel that polyamory relates to society. These ideas apply to many things in life; for many things in society, there is freedom for individuals to make choices that other individuals would not. Since it does not hurt other people, and those in polyamorous relationships agree to it, why should there not be liberty for polyamory as well?

Forgive me ... but I have visited some blogs polyamory, and I have seen true aberrations of a sexual nature ... is all very sick and embarrassing. How do you guys expect society as a whole can accept and understand polyamory?

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 19:20:00 -0400

Despite the fact that you don’t appear to approve of polyamory, I am glad that you are reading and learning about what it is. I’m sorry that you have been left with the impression that many don’t treat the matter seriously. I will do my best to explain my response to your question “How do you guys expect society as a whole can accept and understand polyamory?”

It is my belief (and not one without precedent) that society can tolerate a lot of individual liberty. In such a society, there should be a mutual respect between individuals concerning the ability to choose your own way in life. Among other things, this is why religious freedom, economic freedom, and freedom of speech are highly important. The idea is that in the realm of actions that don’t affect others, individuals should be able to act as they please. When it does affect others, then it is important that they receive consent to do so. This is why I expect society as a whole to accept polyamory; polyamorous people are no more likely to harm others while expressing their personal liberty to pursue an honest and fulfilling life than monogamous people. I don’t expect society as a whole to understand polyamory, but I do expect them to understand that we all have a right to exist and that we can coexist.

If I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, does that mean I'm in a polyamorous relationship? I wouldn't mind either way, I'm really happy with both of them, I'm just wondering. Thanks!

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 17:06:29 -0400

That sounds exactly like polyamory :)

Modern Poly: #FacesOfPolyamory

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 05:23:51 -0400

Modern Poly: #FacesOfPolyamory:

modernpoly:

We want to create a world where everyone can be open about their relationship choices - without worrying about losing jobs and losing children. We want to show the world that polyamorous people are normal, stable, healthy, friendly, contributing members of society. And we’re cute too!

After…

modernpoly: At first it was just me and Moreno, then Luca...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 19:31:41 -0400

modernpoly:

At first it was just me and Moreno, then Luca joined us. We don’t know where we’re going, but we know we’ll get there together.

- Beatrice

modernpoly: Polyamory means open, honest, genuine love in all...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 19:25:47 -0400

modernpoly:

Polyamory means open, honest, genuine love in all its forms. Love does not divide. It always multiplies.

- Shannyn and James

900 Followers. Wow.

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 22:58:53 -0400

chibifaic - you are our 900th follower.

Thank you everyone for supporting and following Fuck Yeah Polyamory - we would be nothing without you.

Love Infinite,

Call for Story Submissions

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 21:24:54 -0400

For the next month or so, my thesis proposal is going to keep me away from paying too much attention to FuckYeahPolyamory.

Because of this, I would like to invite people to submit true polyamorous stories.

These stories can be anything as long as they follow these rules:

must be respectful of everyone. No shaming. No bashing monogamy. It is perfectly reasonable to tell stories of when you have been shamed or mistreated.
must maintain a safe level of anonymity for the people involved. Please provide a disclaimer to prevent confusion. Ways to preserve the safety of the people involved include changing the names or dates of places, events, and people, submitting anonymously, and using first letters of names instead of full names. You also may contact me for my private e-mail address and you can instead e-mail the story to me directly for it to be posted with some editing (with your permission).
must be shared with the understanding that people may share this story.
These stories can include cute little events, how you met a lover, rejection, break ups, responses to other people, etc. Really - have a field day with this. You guys are all individuals with unique and individual stories to share.

I look forward to reading/posting your stories! I will be checking at least once a week as to keep up with Fuck Yeah Polyamory.

Love Infinite,

Photo

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 23:56:20 -0400

I've been polyamarous with my partner for almost 2 years. She's been dating someone new for about 3-4 months. I didn't really like the guy at first, but I was supportive and tried to make it work. As time goes by though, it's more clear that this guy is emotionaly abusive. My partner is submissive to his wants, and she has lower self-esteem because of the guy constantly telling her that she's messing things up. I have no idea what to do in this situation, I can't watch as he tears her down.

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 16:48:55 -0400

I’ve been meaning to make a post about this topic. P and I recently ended our “life partnership” over someone like this and his involvement with them.

In a situation like this, the first step is to try and communicate to your partner that they’re being abused. Be supportive of them. If you don’t feel like you can tell them this directly, try to help them realize it on their own. Encourage them to stand up for themselves. Encourage them to do what they want and to speak up when they’re hurt or belittled. Bolster their self esteem.

When that doesn’t work, start approaching them outright. Tell them what is going on and that you see it. Tell them that it makes you uncomfortable and is hurting you and the other people around them that love and care for them. Make sure they know that someone that truly loves them would encourage their personal growth and communicate with them in a positive way.

Eventually, you have to make a choice or whether or not you can continue to be a significant other while still supporting this person and trying to help them. Sometimes, your existence as a significant other can actually support their own illusions that they’re happy with the whole situation.

When you have to make this decision, you have to think carefully, logically, and objectively. You need to present evidence to this person of all of the times this person has made them unhappy or directly hurt them. You need to make it clear to them just how many people are worried. And you eventually have to make them make a choice for their own well being, which most often is the choice to leave that person for their own benefit and the benefit of their relationship with you.

Sometimes they don’t want to choose, or in my case, they choose the abusive relationship over their “life partnership(s)” - and then you have to leave. You have to protect yourself and your own happiness. You have to protect your own sanity. You need to preserve yourself while still being there for them. It may sound selfish, but ultimately it is that person’s decision whether or not to listen and take action. No matter what you do, follow through on what you say. Make sure they realize that when you say things, they are not threats - they are honest communications.

So when you say “I can’t be with you anymore as long as you’re seeing ______. I can’t see you cry anymore. I can’t see you destroy yourself anymore. It hurts me too much” - follow through and stop seeing that person romantically. If necessary, stop seeing that person all together.

Some people have to learn on their own how to stand up for themselves.

I’m sorry for getting personal in my response - I lost my relationship with P because of this… and that was something very precious and important in my life. Because he is the creator of FYP, I am not sure how much longer I will be reviewing and answering your e-mails. I will try to keep up with them best i can.

Love Infinite,
L

Learning to Live: Thoughts on Emotional Abuse (and Polyamory)

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 16:41:38 -0400

Learning to Live: Thoughts on Emotional Abuse (and Polyamory):

dreaminventor:

http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm#Understanding Abusive Relationships

Watching someone we know in an abusive relationship, whether it be with their parents or a significant other, is painful. When the emotional abuse runs deep, it may take a while for us to realize how broken the person is and how…

This is an old message I posted on emotional abuse in polyamory.

Friendship and Polyamory

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 14:48:06 -0400

Friendship and Polyamory

"The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time,..."

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 19:36:05 -0400

“The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. This term was meant to be inclusive, and in that context, we have never intended to particularly exclude “swinging” per se, if practitioners thereof wished to adopt the term and include themselves. As far as we have understood, swinging specifically does not involve “cheating,” and it certainly does involve having “multiple lovers”! Moreover, we understand from speaking with a few swinging activists that many swingers are closely bonded with their various lovers, as best friends and regular partners. The two essential ingredients of the concept of “polyamory” are “more than one” and “loving.” That is, it is expected that the people in such relationships have a loving emotional bond, are involved in each other’s lives multi-dimensionally, and care for each other. This term is not intended to apply to merely casual recreational sex, anonymous orgies, one-night stands, pick-ups, prostitution, “cheating,” serial monogamy, or the popular definition of swinging as “mate-swapping” parties.”

- Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart defines polyamory (via a-blog-called-everything)

ghouldilocks: THE SLUTS UNITE OATH I believe that sex...

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 23:14:12 -0400

ghouldilocks:

THE SLUTS UNITE OATH

I believe that sex represents more than just the creation of children.

I believe it is an enjoyable, healthy and a profound part of the human experience.

I also believe that the responsible use of birth control is an essential component of a mature, civilized society.

And if these beliefs make me a slut in some people’s eyes, then so be it.

I will stand united with my fellow sluts, now and always.