At first it was just me and Moreno, then Luca joined us. We don’t know where we’re going, but we know we’ll get there together.
Polyamory means open, honest, genuine love in all its forms. Love does not divide. It always multiplies.
- Shannyn and James
For the next month or so, my thesis proposal is going to keep me away from paying too much attention to FuckYeahPolyamory.
Because of this, I would like to invite people to submit true polyamorous stories.
These stories can be anything as long as they follow these rules:
- must be respectful of everyone. No shaming. No bashing monogamy. It is perfectly reasonable to tell stories of when you have been shamed or mistreated.
- must maintain a safe level of anonymity for the people involved. Please provide a disclaimer to prevent confusion. Ways to preserve the safety of the people involved include changing the names or dates of places, events, and people, submitting anonymously, and using first letters of names instead of full names. You also may contact me for my private e-mail address and you can instead e-mail the story to me directly for it to be posted with some editing (with your permission).
- must be shared with the understanding that people may share this story.
- These stories can include cute little events, how you met a lover, rejection, break ups, responses to other people, etc. Really - have a field day with this. You guys are all individuals with unique and individual stories to share.
I look forward to reading/posting your stories! I will be checking at least once a week as to keep up with Fuck Yeah Polyamory.
I’ve been meaning to make a post about this topic. P and I recently ended our “life partnership” over someone like this and his involvement with them.
In a situation like this, the first step is to try and communicate to your partner that they’re being abused. Be supportive of them. If you don’t feel like you can tell them this directly, try to help them realize it on their own. Encourage them to stand up for themselves. Encourage them to do what they want and to speak up when they’re hurt or belittled. Bolster their self esteem.
When that doesn’t work, start approaching them outright. Tell them what is going on and that you see it. Tell them that it makes you uncomfortable and is hurting you and the other people around them that love and care for them. Make sure they know that someone that truly loves them would encourage their personal growth and communicate with them in a positive way.
Eventually, you have to make a choice or whether or not you can continue to be a significant other while still supporting this person and trying to help them. Sometimes, your existence as a significant other can actually support their own illusions that they’re happy with the whole situation.
When you have to make this decision, you have to think carefully, logically, and objectively. You need to present evidence to this person of all of the times this person has made them unhappy or directly hurt them. You need to make it clear to them just how many people are worried. And you eventually have to make them make a choice for their own well being, which most often is the choice to leave that person for their own benefit and the benefit of their relationship with you.
Sometimes they don’t want to choose, or in my case, they choose the abusive relationship over their “life partnership(s)” - and then you have to leave. You have to protect yourself and your own happiness. You have to protect your own sanity. You need to preserve yourself while still being there for them. It may sound selfish, but ultimately it is that person’s decision whether or not to listen and take action. No matter what you do, follow through on what you say. Make sure they realize that when you say things, they are not threats - they are honest communications.
So when you say “I can’t be with you anymore as long as you’re seeing ______. I can’t see you cry anymore. I can’t see you destroy yourself anymore. It hurts me too much” - follow through and stop seeing that person romantically. If necessary, stop seeing that person all together.
Some people have to learn on their own how to stand up for themselves.
I’m sorry for getting personal in my response - I lost my relationship with P because of this… and that was something very precious and important in my life. Because he is the creator of FYP, I am not sure how much longer I will be reviewing and answering your e-mails. I will try to keep up with them best i can.
Asked by spinachindeed
The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. This term was meant to be inclusive, and in that context, we have never intended to particularly exclude “swinging” per se, if practitioners thereof wished to adopt the term and include themselves. As far as we have understood, swinging specifically does not involve “cheating,” and it certainly does involve having “multiple lovers”! Moreover, we understand from speaking with a few swinging activists that many swingers are closely bonded with their various lovers, as best friends and regular partners. The two essential ingredients of the concept of “polyamory” are “more than one” and “loving.” That is, it is expected that the people in such relationships have a loving emotional bond, are involved in each other’s lives multi-dimensionally, and care for each other. This term is not intended to apply to merely casual recreational sex, anonymous orgies, one-night stands, pick-ups, prostitution, “cheating,” serial monogamy, or the popular definition of swinging as “mate-swapping” parties.