If you would like to more closely follow my move and progress, please follow my tumblr “dreaminventor” - for those of you in San Francisco, please let me know if you are looking for or know of anyone looking for a roommate.
The transition of my pastels
(pt 2) That’s what safe words are for. This is why communication at the beginning of any relationship is vital, especially about kinks. Please be more sensitive in your responses because your kink-shaming makes me, and probably others, weary of following your advice in the future. In fact, playing out a rape fantasy similar to your rape with a trusted boyfriend has been found to be beneficial to survivors. Not everyone likes the same kind of sex you do. Please don’t discriminate.
Now that I’ve taken a deep breath and counted backwards from ten.. multiple times. I might be able to respond with something that isn’t ‘fuck you’.
Still.. really tempted though.
Especially after ya know- a few months ago when I went to damn bat for the kink community and am -still- having my name slandered for that shit.
If you choke someone without asking if they’re into it- and they say stop and you keep on because it turns you on- you are a rapist.
the end. no discussion. no.
that isn’t kink.
Yes, some people are consensually into choking and things like that. chill. cool. do you boo.
But that ask gave no indication that it was consensual. People don’t write into SCaR about consensual sex(usually). and he sure as hell did not discuss a safe word with her.
You do not do this.
You do not say ‘don’t call that rape rape because it could be kinkshaming gosh he might have thought she was into it!’
-this- is why the kink community gets a rap as being full of rapists. and I’ll stand by the fact that it isn’t any more filled with rapists than your average dating community. But this ‘gosh you can’t call out rapist behavior because what if that’s their kink and they thought she was into it’
You have to -talk to someone- before you engage in kink with them. You have to get consent for that specific kink. you have to discussion safe words and other ways to stop the activity.
NONE of that was done and NONE of that ask implied in the least that it was.
Do not with me. do not.
Asked by Anonymous
wow this message never popped up on my notifications and I have no idea how old it is AAACCCKKK answering anyway
I guess I’ve found that there are people who are polyamorous and it’s a part of their identity and they’re excited about it cause it’s new and yes they see the fun side more than anything, but they are serious about it and want it badly. Then there’s the people who don’t really know that much about it and think it’s just someone going to have sex with the two of them a lot. It’s usually pretty obvious from reading a profile or hearing them talk about it, which one they are, just from what they say they’re looking for.
Also, for me, the biggest warning sign is that the guy isn’t actually involved in the meeting people part of it. It’s all the girl sending messages and posting pictures and talking to me and always DESCRIBING him to me. That really tells me that he has no interest in an actual relationship WITH ME, since he won’t even bother to talk to me.
But really…. I don’t think you’ll accidentally get tricked by someone not super serious. I think anyone, couple or otherwise, who has JUST started polyamory, you ought to proceed with caution? because it’s their first rodeo (lol) and you might have to do a lot more talking and explaining and stuff than you otherwise would.
The best way to avoid people who are just looking for a fling or sex and not something serious is to stop sitting around waiting for them to come to you and instead seek people out yourself. :P If you want to be part of a threesome with a couple, then YOU go pursue couples that sound interesting to you. Get involved in poly groups in your area (meetup.com often has some, even in conserative areas…. or fetlife, I’ve heard people have luck there, though I never did). Talk to poly people on the internet who you’d be willing to drive to. All my poly dating has happened cause I sought people out… and all but one of them didn’t really consider themselves/advertise themselves as being poly. But they were still open to it. So…. just talk to people? XD idk!!
IDK THIS DOESN’T MAKE A LOT OF SENSE. I HOPE I ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION.
Asked by Anonymous
because people are still asking that question
because women are payed less than men in approximately 99% of professions
because chris brown can still have a career after assaulting rihanna but miley cyrus takes her clothes off and there’s a huge scandal
because of this:
because currently it is estimated ten million more girls are out of education than boys (x)
because we’re expected to be mature but hairless like a child, in control but not bossy, sexy but not slutty and definitely not a prude, intelligent but not opinionated, independent but reliant on men, natural but look like the girl in the magazine etc etc
because being called a girl, a pussy or a bitch is an insult
because when i told my mum i refused to get anything less than a’s in my exams she told me it wasn’t ladylike to be so cocky
because my brother and 90% of my male friends think girls who wear revealing clothing are asking for rape
because every person who identifies as female should be allowed to choose if they want to get married, have kids, have a career, go to uni etc etc without expectations
because tampons and sanitary pads are stupidly expensive
because some people reading this will have flinched at the fact i just said ‘tampon’
because there are men out there whose job it is to make young girls feel like absolute shit about themselves just so they can sell the next best beauty product
because female masturbation isn’t considered normal whilst men can talk about their own penises for hours on end
because feminists are still seen as crazy lesbians who dont shave and some still feel like they have to defend themselves by claiming theyre not any of those things when in fact if i want to be a passionate lady who likes other ladies and cant be bothered to shave my legs every twenty minutes then thats my choice and if i want to be someone who wears make up and shaves and goes out partying then thats my choice and if i want to be a combination of the two or anything in between then thats. my. choice.
because i believe anyone who identifies as female is fucking badass and deserves the same rights as every privileged stuck up old white man sitting around and making laws about our bodies
because how can you not be
Asked by Anonymous
“This is the chemical formula for love:
dopamine, seratonin, oxytocin.
It can be easily manufactured in a lab, but overdosing on any of them can cause schizophrenia, extreme paranoia, and insanity.
Let that sink in.”
Thank you for your input :)
Sorry for the slow response. Not posting this answer publicly because I already approached the topic.
Asked by youwantwhat
I agree that it was misogynistic. P was a big fan of the book, but I tried to focus on the positive. Don’t do this. Do not turn a blind eye to issues that bother you. I do not recommend the book anymore for these reasons.
Asked by Anonymous